joel and lauren got back together. i think that my pathetic self is more excited than they are. lol. well whatever. i have to say that the lovely jessica has gotten me addicted to the yeah yeah yeahs. and she has also kissed robbie. thank God! i was about to strangle them both.

ugh. there is something wrong with me. unfortunately, i am not like a car and cannot just be fixed. everytime i am looking foward to going out somewhere with friends, i feel like i dont want to a few days in advance. why? am i becoming anti-social? i hope not. ah what difference does it make. i keep writing in these stupid things, hoping that maybe one day someone will leave me a note... but no one ever does. well, except keith... who is my bebe... i love him so much. i just wish that i could lay down with him for the rest of my life and never ever move from the spot that i am in. why do i have to be so scared of people? i dont want to be. i just am. i need to cheer up. maybe i am just down b/c i went to see about renting a car this summer to go and see my dad, but i realized that either way, its going to cost a lot of money and time.... its depressing cuz i really want to go see him. everyone acts like its no big deal, but when you havent seen your father or siblings in 3 years, it hurts. esp when the only "loving parent" you have around is your mother who loves to critisize your every move.

good news though; i think that bay's mom is actually coming around ::knock on wood:: but you know, i really am happy about that. thats all i wanted is for her to be nice. and now that she is gone, she is being nice. i was thinking (just s thought) if i lived with her, then we wouldnt drive keith insane. whenever he visits me, he could visit her too. that would solve a lot of problems. i mean, not live with her, but maybe near her.

so much to do this summer!!! i am going to try and take 3 classes; all of which are art. or something to do with cars. i dunno. what do you think? and! then i have to get all these trips i want to take straightened out. lets see, i want to go to florida to see my dad, to busch gardens with keith and maybe jess and robbie can come, to carowins, and to kira's house. and then school. oh! and keith wants me to visit his mom's with him, which i REALLY want to do. i wish i could take the summer off. i really do. but i need the financial aid. the only two things that have to be worked out with school and work are my dad's and kira's. so thats good. dont panic... dont panic. lol. well i am going to go to jess's b/c i ... want to. lol. ta.

I LOVE YOU BEAW! *KISH!* and i cant FREAKIN WAIT for this weekend! *SMOOCH!!!*