so i just want to say that i am insane. yes, a person is making me this way. a single person.

who would have thought that i could have such strong feelings for this one man...? that he makes me do things i wouldnt normally do? i know i love him. i know that i am crazy for him. but i also know that i must decide.

a decision. a choice. i dont know how to make choices. ive never had to make them. and the one choice i did make turns out to be the dumbest one i had ever made. so naturally i am terrified to make choices. terrified. why make them? its so much easier when people are making them for me. then i can blame them for my unhappiness and not myself. then when i hate someone it wont be myself and i wont cut my arm into shreds. bc that hurts. and people look at me weird if they see them.

this halloween i am going to be ghostface. i discovered something the other day when i wore the mask around town. i loved the mask. no one could see the real me or judge me. and i could stand in front of peole w/o the mask and they would never know it was me that was wearing the mask before.

i guess i just want truth from people. i want them to tell me what they really think and not lie to me. when i am wearing the mask they will talk shit about me and not even know its me. then i know thaht they are fuckwads and to stay away from them.

i need help, no?