October 21, 2003 @ 6:51 a.m. yakyak i think that i am dying inside. i went to visit my bay at college this last weekend. i knew that i would have to leave him and come back here, but my gosh, i didnt know that itd hurt this badly. i had so much fun... we went everywhere and did everything together. we went down town and shopping together (he actually said that he enjoyed it- he hates shopping! ^_^) , we went and ate together EVERYDAY i was there, we slept together everynight and cuddled all night long..... (*dreamy sigh*). i knew that it would come, i knew i would have to leave, but it still hurt. my gosh it hurt. and to top it off, i know that i get overly emotional and suicidally depressed when PMSing. i HATE that. and i know that i am PMSing right now. i dont feel this sad and on edge all of the time. its also.... well, i live in cary, nc, and i hate it here. i have nothing and no one here. nothing at all. no one. lily has backstabbed me; thought i could always count on her. *snorts* whatever. everyone here is so fake. i hate it. i wish i could see past that and just be happy, but i do NOT want fake friends. so i went to see my baby, and i remembered what it was like to have a true friend by my side every second of every minute of every day(i had never forgotten, but it got a little hazy). and then i had to come back here to hell. so it hit me hard. i miss him so much. i am seriously thinking of transferring to a community college nearer to him. itd be less depressing. and people are so much nicer around there. thats because people that live here in cary (or the triangle) are all from new york and chicago and they think that they are still there. i once said that i want to live in NYC. i take that back. i'd rather not be a wench. people are so rude. they are only out to get what they want and do not care about anyone else. well, now that i have babbled about my issues, i will go to class and do the same thing over and over again. byebye. *preventry* *nextentry*

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