bay is coming today!!! i cant wait. but i am so tired. i cant keep putting off this math test that i have. i have to leave for it in an hour. i tried to get it, but i was just staring at the page for 2 hours and so i gave up. i know most of it, but that is why i am scared; the part i know will be the one that my math teacher really hits on in the test.

tonight i am going to jessica's play. i cant wait because bay will finally meet her. we are becoming the best of friends. it makes me very happy. and brandi might be moving out here. i am trying to find her a job... i am so happy! i missed her so much, and all the craziness we had together. i was so happy because i am going to get a roommate, who is also a best friend of mine! told my mom and she was like "i dont want you to live with her; she is a bad influence on you." HA! first off, she said that about kira too, and liked ashley and erin (the twins) and those two are off married with children at 18 while kira is in college. anyways, my mom is too judgemental... the reason that she doesnt like brandi is because brandi, at one point in her life, thought of suicide as an option. so? sheesh. i have been in two mental hosptals for attemped suicide; one stay for a month, one for a week. am i a bad person? no. i was just scared, lonely, and confused. and if my mom wants to get technical, both times i was in one of those wretched places was because of her and her actions.

i have been doing some serious thinking about my childhood lately. i wonder if was all an act? i mean, still to this day, i do not feel anylove from my parents. they have forgotten that i exist. i am just an orphan. yeah i live with my "mom" but she doesnt care for me at all. she hates me, and as much as my dad says "your mom doesnt hate you," i know she does. i am not stupid. in the words of my dad, "walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, chances are its a duck." in other words no one has to tell me that my parents hate me; their actions show it. at least i have God. my mom made me so mad the other day... actually it was yesterday. when i was in 5th-6th grade, my mom and dana sold mmy bed and i went without one for over a year. i slept on the floor with a sleeping bag. my mom said "jamie, we need to take that bed that you have been sleeping on and give it back to austin, because "poor austin" (can u believe this) has been sleeping on the couch. poor austin?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? wtf? what about jamie? poor jamie? poor jamie that didnt even get a couch for a WHOLE YEAR??? at least poor austin gets a damned couch. i didnt even get that. and then i confronted her about that and she said "no, you had a fold out bed..." THAT was a blatant lie. just to make herself feel better bout the way they treated me, i am sure. whatever. i just hate being a daughter of two people that play favorites. i never ASKED to be born, and as soon as i was, i deserved everything you had. not the broken left-overs from your ass. ugh. my parents are so pathetic. they are both in denial that they ever hurt me. i want to scream at them, but for now i need to go take that test. wish me luck! *KISH* to bay!

isnt this so cute! bay got me this picture! hehehe! thanks bay!