April 21, 2003 @ 7:14 a.m. waking up *sigh* i am in kind of a shitty mood today... hating life... and i dont want to go to work on friday because ron will be there and he is an asshole. i am trying to study for a test that i missed out on on wednesday... as if i was really missing out... *sigh, sigh, sigh* i did NOT want to get up this morning. i was so pissed because i got to thinking about things and seeing that my life is basically planned out FOR me and i dont like it. everyone is always trying to tell me where to go and how to dress and what to study... when do we EVER get free time??? hardly... i have a life... and it took getting a job for me to realize that. keith's mom has let up a little... but that wont last... i dunno... maybe it will. i find myself wanting to be in church, rather than at school. and not to mention all these false friends i have attracted lately. or maybe everyone is growing up and out. life is just so depressing right now. and i have this cough that wont go away... been to three doctors and not one of them has a clue of what's wrong with me. i threw up on wednesday, coughing so hard. that was a horrible day... i dont want to get into that. i have shit to do... i dont know if i can live without my summers when i have a real job. i was thinking about becoming a teacher and then i remembered that i dont want to be around snotty little teenagers for the rest of my life. and i know that architecture is my thing... and i have created the house i want to live in... it's great! it's called "The Abyss." its very big and pretty. i hope. anyways, i have more poetry coming to my website! soon! go see it and sign the guestbook!!! well, i have to go! baibai! *preventry* *nextentry*

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