I am ungrateful?!? WTF??? no i am not. this is ridiculous! ugh! i swear that if it wasnt for keith, i would fling myself over the nearest cliff right this instant! i am not ungrateful! so i want to keep a freakin buhdda insense burner! BIG FREAKIN DEAL!!! incase all you "perfect little christians"(no offense to bay because he doesnt think he is perfect; and he knows that the only way you give something power is if you fear it) didnt know, buhdda was a MAN not a GOD. DER! therefore, i do not worship him! sheesh! he made a few good statements, and some wise proclamations, but does that make him a GOD?!? really! so yeah, i am going to go buy an insense burning statue of plato, aristotle, and socrates, and they will be my new gods. get over yourselves; you're not perfect. sheesh.

as for this ungrateful thing; what exactly makes me ungrateful? oh! is it the fact that i think (last time i checked) i am 20 and i am ALLOWED to watch "sex and the city" if i damn well please? especially if you are the one who BOUGHT THE WHOLE 3RD SEASON AND LEFT THEM DOWNSTAIRS FOR ME TO WATCH! hypocricy, anyone? good grief. yeah, kelly, maybe i lived in your house, but hey, that doesnt mean that you can whip out the chains, oh christian one.

you know, i tried to trust adults, and i tried to belong to a church, but this is what i got. a backstabbing bunch of fruitcakes who went around (NO ONE IN THE CHURCH EXCEPT KELLY DID THIS AND HER NEIGHBOR; HOLLY THE COP aka BACKSTABBUS MAXIMUS) telling people that i have "borderline personality disorder." ok. no. and then kelly tells me that she is pressing charges because i told someone that i found a few beers in the garbage two nights in a row; aka slander. yes, kelly that means that you are a drunk. *sarcasm* and that is why i was "telling the world" that you were a drunk. what is my goal? i have better things to do other than waste my time trying to get revenge on you. and as for your neighbor; are you actually going to believe someone that you said backstabbed you so many times, and has issues? she is desperate for attention; for crying out loud! she is a cop! and you even said that EVERY GUY SHE TRIES TO HOOK YOU UP WITH, SHE TAKES. real trustworthy. a lying, using, backstabber. whatever. jesus loves you.

AM I REALLY A BAD PERSON??? I...

*am a high school graduate ('03 baby!!!)

*hate drugs (all of them)

*stopped drinking (have not for a year)

*do not have sex

*am in college

*love and do my best to obey God and Jesus

*have a job

*have a car

*know what i want to acheive in life

*have a pefect boyfriend who i adore and want to marry (sorry; i had to slip that in there...^_~)

LAST YEAR I...

*did marijuana

*drank every chance i got

*was a high school drop out

*was very suicidal

*was very angry

*was defiant to EVERYONE

*was desperately trying to get back with my loser ex-necrophiliac-nymphomaniac-cross-dresser-drunk-and-doped-up-boyfriend

*was failing again when i did go back to school

ofcourse, if it wasnt for my wonderful baby boy, i would still be horrible. why did i almost destroy my life like that? i am so lucky, you know that. i am tired, but before i go i want to say that you need to stop. just be you. you dont need drugs or anything to be happy, ok? i am sorry about the ranting lately. lol.

I WILL SHUT UP NOW. on the good side, God does still love me, and my beautiful baby boy loves me too...... *dreamy sigh* i have alot of problems, and they all suck, but when i step back and look at the big picture, keith makes everything perfect and worth living for. i love him so much.

KEITH, YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME!!! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN TO ME, BECAUSE I MEAN THAT MUCH TO YOU. I TRUST YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART AND SOUL. YOU ARE THE ONLY HUMAN, MAN, PERSON THAT I HAVE EVER BEEN ABLE TO TRUST THIS MUCH. I LOVE YOU INFINITY, PLUS 7!!!! so THERE! lol!

OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN: i do not worship Buhdda, and i know that you know that, but i want to say it. thank you for everything. i know that i am stupid and yell at you sometimes, but i am only human. please forgive me. i know that whatever you do is right for me no matter what i feel right now, and thank you. for what you have done, are doing, and will do. and thank you for my mother. please let things heal with her; i wish that i could take evrything back. i really do. please give me the strength to ignore her annoyances, and her mine. please let our relationship heal. and last but certainly not least, PLEASE protect my baby; you know what he means to me, and how thankful i am that you gave me such a beautiful and wonderful love. thank you so much! thank you for everything! In Jesus' Holy Name, AMEN.

PS- i hate macs