my baby left today and i was sad. i barely cried b/c i knew that if i started, i wouldnt stop.... *sadness* I MISS HIM! oh! get this! first of all i have GOT to stop thinking that every word my parents say is true. why? because ONE- they have lied to me before and TWO- they (contrary to the belief of your parents being all-knowing Gods and goddesses that the world tries to spoon feed you from the day you are born) DO NOT KNOW EVERYTHING! i told my mom that i wanted to transfer to an art school in raleigh, and she said that it was only a grad school; WRONG. its for ANY and EVERY one. and guess who is transferring there? in the words of reese witherspoon in legally blond (the first one) "ME!!!!!!!!" well, at least i am going to try to... :P i have come to realize that i have been in school "learning" about the world and cramming my head full of bullshit for... geez..... 14 years now, and contrary to the fact that people keep telling me that its "the way to go to make your real dreams come true," i just keep getting loaded down with the same insignifigant bull while my passions and desires pass me by. my ideas are fading, and it makes me want to FUCKING kill this pathetic conformist society that wants me to get in line. algebra that i have been told by everyone i know that is over 30 that they have NEVER used it. science that constantly tries to shove the theory of evolution down my throat. science that i have NO interest in, what-so-ever. required courses that make me want to puke... and the thought that i am being forced to sign up and pay for something that i could care less about makes me want to bash someone's head in. UGH. AND MY DREAMS ARE GOING..... GoInG.... going...... but i have to stop them from being gone. i DO NOT want to be an architect. i want to write my stories. i want to animate. i want to help children, the very people i am scared to even touch at the very thought of hurting them the way my parents hurt me, to have fun and learn that its ok to be YOU. i want to see my dreams come to life, and i have a hard time believing that after all i have done for 14 years to make my dreams come true, i have to go through MORE bs to get there. yet another lie adults pumped me with. I JUST WANT MY DREAMS BACK! the happiness i once lived in at the thoughts of..... my story... and true love. now that i have one, i need to remember the other. i need to work at it. i need to write it down. i need to go to that school and DO IT. and i need to STOP listening to my mom b/c she doesnt know everything. i am missing out b/c of that. i automatically assume that b/c some told me it is, it IS. well, i need to stop listening to people. except for one person... one that has NEVER let me down.....

Keith, Beaw, Bebe, Bay.... he proposed to me. he did it on friday.... Friday, January the 30th...... *sigh* and ofcourse, choking back tears, i said "Yes." just like that. i will marry Keith. my bebe. and everything about him...... his funniness, his smarts, his kishies, his ass... EVERYTHING.... and I WILL TOO! YAY! and YES i DO have a ring. its the sweetest ring ever. its sterling silver (my fave) and a blue topaz; thats his birth stone, so that i can think of him when-ever i see it. i love him so much! he is so smart and cute and wonderful... and i miss him... "like the deserts miss the rain"... so like i said, now that i have found true love, i need to work on my story too, and get away from all this mess.... all of it that is filling my head with nonsense.

"...When I think back on all the crap I learned in high school... It's a wonder I can think at all... And though my lack of education hasn't hurt me none... I can read the writing on the wall..." ---Paul Simon, "Kodachrome"

ps- PLEASE do not EVER come by arby's and ask how many chicken fingers come in a 4- pack!!!!! THINK DAMNIT! THINK!