dad, to be quite honest, i dont even know if you care about hearing from me anymore. between you and my "mother," i dont know if i EVER had a parent that loved me. for ME. not for being like my mom or like you. i am ME. I AM JAMIE. i am a little bit of you and a little bit of her; OFCOURSE I AM GOING TO BE JUST LIKE BOTH OF YOU. however, (comma) it seems as though both of you see the other in me and frankly i dont give a care. keith thinks that i am wonderful. i just wanted to know if you and my "mother" will EVER stop this nonsense.... the fighting. did the two of you EVER think that it would affect me? because it is now. i look around and see all these people with their loving parents and yell at God because he gave me the ones who wish i had never been born. i have never trusted ANYONE my whole life because the very people that i knew to be truth in my first years lied and fought ALL THE TIME. do you really think that i didnt understand when i was little? no i didnt, but now i DO. and i hate it. it hurts. that is why i have been in 2 mental institutions for trying to commit suicide. i was FIFTEEN years old the first time. because i thought no one cared. and then... then i got up there with you and stuff started. and always, i was the bad one. ALWAYS. collette always told you what happened and she was always right because i was the "child." how is it that i am the bad one when i am just acting off of how i was raised? i cant help that. i never knew anything different so how was i supposed to act otherwise? i never ASKED to be born, nor did i ask to be hurt. my mom NEVER allowed me to see any of my friends; i was locked in a freakin house all the freakin time. and NO ONE CARED. now i am scared of people. and i do not have social skills. at all. i communicate through the use of the internet. and with a VERY small group of people that know how it feels to have all the truth you have ever known proven to be a lie. i have always lived with people who have to be mean to me, and i have always been told that the "adult" is the one in the right. i still hate it. i still hate adults, and have sworn on my life to NEVER act like them and be mean like them and to always listen to children because they, like me, are more than likely, not lying. i still hurt over zac. i am sure you do not care about this fact, but dad, he was NOT having sex with me. i dont care if you believe me or not. you didnt know the whole story and you never even cared to ask. we were just friends. YES we kissed. yes, we really liked each other. he was always there for me. i was always there for him. we were actually very good friends. not dating i couldve handled, having a very good friend ripped away from me because you were paranoid that i was a "tramp" like my MOTHER, i couldnt handle. and did you care? nope. you watched. but you never cared that i was going through hell losing the only person that i could talk to about anything in this world at the time. ugh. it makes me sick. and you LIKED jay. what a jerk he was. you say you have gut instinct, but right then it was WAY off. trust me. and then i left. yes, i am going to say something that i have been scared to say for 3 years out of fear that i may lose you as a father. i left because i was sick of the lies, i was sick of hearing about how obnoxious my mom was and how "ungrateful" i was being. i was sick of being hit over dumb things, such as the mail key being in the toaster. (no, i DID NOT hide that stupid thing and of all places, the toaster?!? i thought you said you think i am smart. smart people dont do stupid things that could set an entire apartment complex on fire and perhaps kill people, and seeing that i NEVER checked the mail, why would i have touched the dumb mail key. it was, what, a whole $5 that i ran up on the phone bill? woo freakin hoo. like i was lacking five bucks?) i was sick of you and collette always fighting, and me always feeling as if it was my fault. always telling you a one sided story. i wont forgive her for that for a while. and then when i finally left, you gave all my stuff away. and what did you say? "you didnt do it the right way." exactly what my mom said. thanks. all my journals, all my art. all my poetry. all my memories. gone. i offered to pay to have them sent to me, but no. and now, everything is gone, and ya wont even tell me what you did with it. it really hurt. do you think that i WANTED to come out here? to leave my siblings... that must have been the worst.... i hated both of you for that. you and my mom. i miss them. i wish i had the guts to talk to them, but i dont. i dont know what they have been told. they must think that i am horrible. and besides, you KNOW that i loved cali and never wanted to leave. and now we come to letter that you just sent me. or rather, the note. that you like hearing from me. really? then how come everytime i try to talk to you, you have to go? what do you think that says to me? i dunno, maybe... "gee jamie, i really dont care." i feel like an orphan child that has no family. i am scared to invite you and my mom to my wedding in fear that neither one of you can contain yourselves. its truely sad. i look back now and i try to think of the good times, but they just make me cry and wonder why they couldnt have lasted and the bad times couldnt have been different. what is it about me that makes my family hate me. i am finally over 18, and i am sure in my own head that both you and my mother let out a big fat "WHEW!" on the day of my 18th birthday. because it seems as if you have both gone off had your own little new and improved families and forgotten about your first one with me. do you have ANY idea how that feels? i doubt it. but i will try and tell you; IT HURTS LIKE HELL. i cry just thinking of it. do you or my mom care? i dont know. but i dont think so seeing that she says "grow up," and you just wont talk to me, and if you or collette ever did, i already know what youd say; "get over it." and then when i call, i have to want something. you know, i didnt do this. you and mom did. and it makes me mad to know that i must now pay for it. i must now pay for all the crap that i didnt even ask for. whatever happened 20 YEARS AGO, YOU two need to get over. i am sick of the bickering and all the accusations. i dont care who caused the divorce or how much money you owe my mom, or she owes you for "taking care of me," your daughter, but i DO care about the fact that i dont care if i had to eat rice all my life and wear ponchos to school; i was a child, and all i needed was love. love that i never freaking got.
love, your DAUGHTER, jamie

yeah so we'll see how that goes.