well, i am going to go yak else where now, but before i go, i did want to share this with you, from one of my other diaries on december 24th and 25th of last year:

so i was driving today and i looked up at the sky and at the clouds. it was like i was in another world. it was so pretty. i wished right then more than anything that i could fly. like neo in the matrix. and then last night's weirdness. it was so...... strange. i walked out of my house and got in my car at about 2:15 am, and it was like the world had stopped turning. no cars. no people. the sky was black. no wind. if i didnt know any better (do i really) i would have said that time stood still. i didnt want to leave that moment. mankind was asleep and the world, at least where i was standing, seemed to be at peace for that little bit of time. it was so beautiful. now i know what heaven is like.... almost. it was like death. death is so beautiful. its so paeceful. there is no pain. no light... maybe a little. no human characteristics to kill the mood. nothing is too bright or too quiet, and nothing hurts. it makes life and all you went through in it worth living. and yes, i do know. i begged not to come back. i didnt want my human body back. being tired, and worried and fearing things. no more. i just wanted to stay right there, so i begged to stay, but was forced back. dont do drugs. you think that you are getting away? ha. no. a high or a drink could never give you that feeling. ever. my soul left my body..... and all i wanted was to never move. for an eternity. that is like last night. i want off this planet. i really do. sleep and death. and my keith. and my jess. those are the only things worth living for. life and death are like running a marathon. its like you run, and you hurt all over inside, but you push yourself as hard as you can, and your body as far as it will go, but you do not give up because you know that something good will come and when you reach that finish line, you will feel SO GOOD. that is like life and death. the body binds the soul. i wish to fly away from my body. its been a good housing, and will be for many years to come, but it hurts. i wish that my soul would fly free from it... well, not yet, but when i sleep, that is almost like death.

i thought that it was rather peaceful, this entry...

BTW world, i have started a PRIVATE DIARY. NO ONE I KNOW IS ALLOWED TO READ IT; hey a girl has gotta have some private thoughts. but if you want the password, just leave me a note or an email or something. thanks! bye then...

I LOVE YOU BEBE! *KISH!* drive carefully!